iiheartyyou's Datingish

NO more of you

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 21:09:45 GMT

It's been four months since Lover boy and I broke up. I thought that I would never get over it. I thought that maybe if I talked about it, then it would help me move on. I've never talked about it before. Nobody knew that I was hurt inside that I didn't feel like myself at all. So I talked about it when ever I had the chance. shortly I realized that it wasn't helping me, it was just killing me little by little. It maybe me realize how much I loved him and how much I wanted him in my life.

And now just recently I realized that in order for yourself to become yourself again you have to move on, and find something better. I haven't necessarily found something better but now for the first time I have guy's talking to me. Before I shut myself off, I was to hurt to deal with anyone and secretly I wanted to say single so that if one day Lover boy wanted to me with me again, I could in a heart beat. But that never happened

Right now, I'm the happiest I've ever been....ever. I'm not tied down to my feelings for Lover boy and I have gotten rid of people who bring me down.

No more blogs about Lover boy. I thought that I would never say that, but I'm glad that I did.

I am free, and I've moved on

Getting my hopes up

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 20:05:44 GMT

Just as I was slowly moving on. I get a Text message from Lover boy. "So are we getting back together?" I thought that I would never hear Lover boy say that. I idmediatly textedd back saying "What? I thought you didn't want to date me." I was so nervous I didn't know what to do, should I say yes or should I say no? Then when he finally texted me it said "Your the right girl for me." Before I could say anything I remember that he told me that he had a girlfriend. So i texted back "But I thought that you had a girlfriend?" "Not anymore the way she treated me made me realize how good you were." Lover boy texted me back. This would be the second time that he told me that. What was his problem? He needed to make up his mind. "..You've said all of this before and then you changed you mind and moved on..." At this point I was in a daze. This is what I dreamed of for so long. My heart was pounding so hard. And then I was pulled back into realitly "Bitch do you want to go out with me or not?" Thats what lover boy texted me. I texting back "Bitch? Not if your going to treat me that way." I couldn't believe what I was reading. He was never like this with me, never. And then finally Lover boy texted me back saying "This is Lover boy's friend, I'm just playing with his phone because his fat ass is eating taco bell." All of this was a joke. All of my hopes were up and now they are crushed. The real Lover boy texted me back saying sorry. I told him it was fine and that I didn't care. When I really did care and that it wasn't fine. I've moved on just a little and now I took two steps back, and I've not moved on at all.

Why do these things always happen to me?

I wish your hurting as much as I am Lover boy.

Sun, 22 Mar 2009 04:04:04 GMT

"If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, then I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will."

Today wasn't the best day at all for me. All these problems that I can't escape, I want to hide from them but I have to confront them. Face on. So when Lover boy talked to me today, it made me feel just a bit better. Talking to him always helps me. But on this particular day it really didn't help me. He now has someone to hold, and that someone isn't me...All this time and I'm still crying over him. Am I really that pathetic?

How could he do this to me? I thought he thought of me, I thought he didn't want to have a girlfriend. How stupid could I be to think that he didn't want to have a girlfriend, when the truth was that he never wanted me as a girlfriend.

I wish the girl he's with now will do the same to him as he did to me. Then maybe he will know why I'm hurting so bad. I know that breaking up wasn't meant to be and that it was a mistake. Because if it had been for the best. I wouldn't feel this way, I wouldn't still feel this way.

Even though this hurt me. I had to look at his profile on facebook. The strange thing was, his status said that he was single. I know that maybe he didn't change it, but it become even stranger thing was that his profile said that he just recently change his relationship status from in a relationship to single. What's that supposed to mean?

How after all this time. All these days, All these months and All these years do I still love a man who doesn't love me? How do I care this much? How do I let myself to this to me? I want to be able to be myself again, because ever since he came into my life. He became apart of me. And I can still feel him inside

Who was Lover boy, before he became My lover boy.

Wed, 18 Mar 2009 03:41:47 GMT

The night we met. I will never forget. It was at a football game. It was my school against his, and it was at his school. My bestfriend "AMD" at the time was dating "Wifebeater" who used to go to "Lover boys" school. They knew each other. So "Lover boy" came over and he was standing right next me to, and he was talking to "Wifebeater". And I leaned over to my other friend that was with us, "Little one" and I told her that I thought he was cute and she smiled at me and agreeed. And then thats when "Lover boy" turned to me and started talking about gum. Yes really gum. Not the most romantic or cute thing to talk about but I didn't care. All I cared about was that I was talking to him. He eventually left to go talk to some other people. I really wanted to talk to him again. so me and "Little one" were trying to figure out how to talk to him with out going up to him and look pathetic. So we decided that me and her would walk by and I would accidently bump into him. And we would talk from there. I know such a lame way to talk to the guy but I didn't want to go up and talk to him. But before I could bump into him he vanished. And I was very noticable looking for him. And thats when my bestfriend "AMD" called me over and said "Who are you looking for?" I told her about my plan to talk to Lover boy. She then left to talk to "Wifebeater" and a minute later "Wifebeater" called over "Lover boy". I died just then and there because I knew that "AMD" told "Wifebeater" about my plan and how I like him. The next thing I know "Lover boy" is walking over towards me with a pen. He asked for my number. And I even got to write it on his hand ! I always wanted to do that.

When we were dating I went to all of his schools varsity football games and all of his football games. He was on JV. I was really close with his family and his friends. He would always hold the car door open for me. And instead of sitting in the front of the car, He sat next to me in the back holding me hand. He was always such a gentlemen. No other guys would do that for me. He would pay everything for me even though I told him that I didnt want him to because I felt bad. But he did anyway.

All we ever did was kiss. He was very religous and wanted to wait till he was married to have sex. He went to church every week. He brought me once. I did not know what was going on the whole time because I do not ggo to church and I am not chatholic I am protestant. So I could not do certain things like eat the bread. I was confused the whole time but I was happy to be there with him. All I wanted was to be there with him. I didn't even care if it was boring church or the freezing cold watching him play football.

The reason we broke up? Lover boy was not very experianced in the relatioship catogory, going to an all boys chritian military school, it pretty hard to find a girl. Anyway's he wanted a break, we were spending to much time together. He wanted a Break, but he said break up. He never wanted to break up, just a break. Atleast thats what told me.

Now it is too late........I will never get my Lover boy back

READ THIS BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE

Wed, 18 Mar 2009 03:15:04 GMT

let me just say that these entrys make me cry when I write them or when I read them. And before you read The letter I will never send you should read Lover boy first. What I write is real, kinda put into a story. I hope you enjoy them even though these storys do not enjoy me, they hurt me because of all of the love I have for Lover boy.

The letter I will never send.

Wed, 18 Mar 2009 02:59:24 GMT

I wrote a letter. A letter that I would never send. It is a letter to my Lover boy about how I want to get over him for my Charmer Boy. I did not know what to do with my self, because of the reasons in my Lover boy entry. So I decided to right a letter, a letter I would never send. But still a letter that contains everything that I know, dream, wish and witness.

Dear Lover boy,

I have found someone. Someone other than you. I believe that he will make me happy like you once did. I guess I am happy talking to him. You would like that I am happy. But I do not truly believe that I am happy. I think I should give it a try, don't you think that I should? Well maybe I should tell you more about him. He would do anything for me. He wants me to be happy, just like you. He is my Charmer boy. He told me that he is in love with me today and that I am amazing. When he said this I broke down. I do not love him back, and I am not amazing. How could I be amazing when I am talking to him and I am still in love with you? I wish that you would give me my heart back, and then maybe I could love him back. And I would finally get over you. Why wont you give it back? Is there a reason why I gave you back your's and you never even gave me back mine? Do you find it humorous that I am still in love with you because you still have my heart and you do not love me, because I gave your heart back to you? I do not want to be like I am now, I want to love. I am in more pain than I've ever been. I want to fall away from you, I want to forget you. I want to move on like you. I want to be able to live with out thinking about you everyday. I want to love Charmer boy. So I ask you this Lover boy will you release my heart and free me?

Love,

Your Hopeless Love

Will I ever get over Lover boy? Do I really want him to give me my heart back? Or do I want to wait till he is ready to love me again, ready to give me his heart?

Lover boy

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 03:38:44 GMT

I really do not know what to do with myself anymore. I will like someone one day and then wake up one morning and all the feelings I have for them are gone, vanished into thin air. It is like I know that we are going no where, and that it is just better to be friends. I never know what to say when people ask me why we broke up or better yet why I broke up with them. Because I do not even no why, all I know is that there is no feelings anymore. It is not like I'm leading them on, I truly like them. So why do I wake up one day after about a month or a week or two and just suddenly all my feelings are gone. Is it my love of change? It is becoming more of a problem. I truly want to be with someone but how can I when I wake up one morning with no reason at all and lose all my feelings for them? I am always friends with them after I break up with them. So is it that I some how know that all we are meant to be are friends and nothing more? Do I have a comintment problem? My parents our separated and I do not want a relationship like theirs. I have always been the one to break up with my boyfriend at the time. It has never been the other way around, except for one.......

This one was different. This one was special, he was different than all the others. Instead of waking up in the morning after a month or a week finding that i lost all feelings for him, I woke up loving him even more. I wanted to be with him more than anything. We went to different schools and we lived about 30 minutes or more away. But that didn't stop me from seeing him every weekend. Eventually he ended up breaking up with me and breaking my heart. It took me forever to pick myself up and hold myself up again. I was okay for awhile. Until I bumped into him at the mall. All the feelings I had for him came rushing back. We immediately started talking. He got out of his movie just to see my face, because before we were texting. He was telling me how he still liked me and that he thinks about me. He also told me how he was thinking about talking to me a couple times after we broke up, but was afraid of how I would reacted. And the one thing I was hoping to hear him say he said, he wanted to be with me. I made the mistake of telling him that we should take it slow before we date again. We grew apart after that and once we got back on track with each other, we immediately fell off. He had decided that he did not want a girlfriend anymore. I was completely broken hearted again. I confronted him about this. He told me he liked me, but now was not the time for him to have a girlfriend and that he want's nothing more than to see me happy. I told him "How can I be happy when all you do is hurt me?" He then told me that he would do anything for us to get back on track and that he will figure this all out and that he would make sure that I was happy. Thats all he ever wanted. Little did he know that for me to be happy was to be with him....

We still talk to each other now and then. He still tells me about how he still thinks of me. I always run to him when I have a problem. And he always takes care of it.

I think about him everyday. I dream about him and how one day he will be in my arms once again. But then again it is just a dream that is so far away from reality. The only one that I never wanted to let go of let go of me.

I still continue to let them go. Not because I wake up one day and lose all feeling's for them. No that is not it. It is because I am in love with another man, whom I will always love and never get over. My lover boy.